| It's not exactly that you have lead me on. It's just that for me it's not all about the physical aspect. I actually enjoy being with you just because like you said we can be dorky goofballs. I like that, it's rare for anyone to get me to act that way and I guess it just hurts me in a way that you don't realize exactly how hard it is to get me to open up to someone. And I've opened up so much to you. I know that you don't want anything serious because you still care about ashley and I think that's what is killing me the most. I dealt with the same thing with Joe, the feeling that I just don't measure up to the last one. This is why I hate to open up to guys, because they seem so perfect and then you realize that while you're with them, they seem to care but at the end of the day they still love someone else. It hurts a lot. And I guess you'll never know how much I could care about you so I'm going to have to let this one go. The excitement and cuddling was great while it lasted, but you're not ready to let go of your past. You don't believe in reincarnation so you don't live day to day like I do. What's done is done, if it was meant to be it would have been. What's meant to be will always find a way, that's fate and for some reason even though you say to the contrary I think you believe there is still a future with Ashley. Not with me. I'm just an object to fill the gap, and I deserve better than that. I deserve someone who isn't scared to take a risk with me. I need someone that I thought was you until tonight when I realized that as amazing as you are, and as much as I want you to be, right now we aren't meant to be.
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| Jesus, it's been almost 6 months since I've written in this thing, damn I'm lame. Well let's see I'll sum it up.
Work: Awesome I love Best Buy and my Best Buy Boyfriends.
Boyfriend: Awesome, living with Nic has been great.
Family: Pretty awesome we might be getting a new house that will accomodate all of us.
Kids: Ha not in the near future but maybe sometime.
Life in general, pretty awesome, I miss my sisters and wright state like no other but I've got so much more right here at home. so I'm happy. reconnecting with some people and making new drinking buddies (we all turn 21 around the same time) is awesome as well. so life is fan-freakin'-tastic. for real this time. :)
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| The big 20 kiddies 365 more days until I'm 21!
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| The hardest thing you can do is tell someone good bye for the last time. I had to do it today and these past four days have been the worst days of my life. One of the best friends that have ever had is gone and as she was an angel on earth, so shall she be in heaven. I love you Linds, you were like a sister to me when we were younger and I will miss you forever.
RIP Lindsey Marie Pignatelli my friend, my sister
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| Going home tomorrow. Bye Bye CBus.
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